1-2-3-Huli 'Don't let the Police guard the Foxhouse'
by raifujinn
Summary: SHORT-STORY 2 parts in pure Gintama style. Timeline around season 2 *** WARNINGS Nudity, Swearing *** PAIRINGS slight OkiKagu *** Plot reuse, fanservice abuse or a new job for the Yorozuya? Gintoki should have checked the TV besides his beloved weather forecast. "THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE WOMEN ENDING UP IN MY BED!"


**GINTAMA SHORT-STORY**

 **1-2-3-Huli "Don't let the police guard the foxhouse"**

* * *

 **PART.1**

 _Japanese Lookup Table at the end of the chapter_

 _Cause Gintama's cast is defined by their speech in the original canon, and 'cause some are to show difference between polite and rude, are difficult to translate or would break the flow if translate (1 word in Japanese, 4 or 5 in English)_ _. Ask Gintoki-sensei at the end of this episode n(_ _)n_

* * *

 **A SUNNY MORNING IN KABUKI-CHOU**

"Ohayo gozaimasu _(Jap. good morning, polite)_."  
"Ara, Shinpachi-kun, ohayo."  
"Otose-san, you are up early today."  
"After all the troubles that happened lately thanks to you all, it can't be helped. Speaking of which, can't your bunch pay back the renovation works for everything you smash down, once in a while… and don't forget the rent!"  
"Ah, well…"  
"Sigh… I thought that idiot was settling down a little bit these days, but he's still the same hopeless boy as ever. Maybe the type to start caring about people once he'll meet a girl... should I talk to the omiai _(Jap. arranged marriage)_ agency for him…"  
"Hahaha… Gin-san being changed by a girl, I really can't imagine…"

The sliding door of Yorozuya opens on Shinpachi soon after.

"Ohayo gozaimasu."

But no one answers his morning greeting except a peaceful snoring silhouette on the sofa.

"Uh, Sadaharu, where is everyone?"  
"... yawnwwooh?"  
"Sigh… Really, they're such a lazy bunch…"

And Shinpachi readjusts his glasses on his nose before going and collect the trash - my bad, I meant the JUMP magazines and empty packs of snacks lying here and there on the carpet.

About half-an-hour later of his regular morning routine of cleaning up the mess of the two people still sleeping, the sliding door of the storage shelves opens on a sleeping Kagura.

"Aye aye, Kagura-chan, wake up, it's morning since a long time already."  
"Zzz…"

The sliding door of the Japanese room serving as Gintoki's bedroom opens soon after.

"Gin-san, the morning show of Ketsuno Ana is about to st…" But Shinpachi freezes at the entrance, his face a mixture of shock, disbelief and disgust.

"Uh, what's wrong, Shinpachi, is Gin-chan sleeping with his belly in the open, aru?"  
"… don't come…"

But Shinpachi hasn't reacted fast enough and Kagura is already by his side, rubbing her eyes before also freezing at the entrance of the bedroom.

"… hmm… uruse, so noisy in the morning…!" Gintoki slowly awakes in a mumble, gradually realizing he can't really pull himself up as his head and upper body are hindered by something.

"Eh…?"

Wait… isn't that silky skin running all the way from his eye level until far down… just like the naked silhouette of a woman with long hair lying by his side… all smiling and ruffling his permy hair while hugging his face into her chest…

"Eeh…?"

Gintoki blinks of disbelief several times, something not connecting in his mind between the soft sensation and sweet smell of pudding and the visual signal of rolling hills on each side of his nose.

When his body finally recognizes the feeling, he can't help his face to melt into a perverted expression of happy dirty oyaji: "Ghehehe… *drool*"

BAM. PAN. "Gin-san/chan, you're the worst, tss."  
"Gyaah!"

The kick from Shinpachi and bullet from Kagura's umbrella having finally awaken him from his sleep and dirty thoughts, Gintoki clings to both teenagers ready to slide closed the door on him.

"Wait wait waiiiiiiit! I promise it's not my fault!"

A sly stolen glance behind him for the silhouette languidly rolling naked on his futon with a playful smiling pout, and cold sweats start running down his spin as Shinpachi and Kagura's glares turn more and more blasé.

"I-I-I promise I didn't drink that much yesterday and…"

The sudden soft feeling of something glomping him from behind and playing with his hair makes Gintoki's expression melt into the one of a dirty oyaji again.

PAN PAN PAN. "Enemy of women."  
"Waiiit!"

The excitement of the boobies back-glomp gone with Kagura's bullets, Gintoki raises his hands to the ceilings to cry unfairness at the reuse of the same plot as before damaging his reputation more and more.

"Like I said, it's not my fault! It's a remake, isn't it obvious that it's a remake… Even the footage of you and that kuso-baba in front of the shop is reused from episode 22!"  
"Oh, true aru!"  
"… don't go around saying that to our viewers! Some of them might not have noticed yet! And wait, if you noticed, that means you were both awake already, you lazy duet!"  
"Anyway, it's a remake, for sure! This is not my fault, damn it! That damn woman just decided to ignore the R18 ban from the producers and removed her clothes this time, and…"

But Gintoki can only swallow back his words when bringing his eyes back on the one still hanging at his neck and cuddling playfully around him.

No matter where he directs his eyes at in search of proves that the unknown woman is none other than his regular SM-stalker, mismatch are more obvious than ever.

"This h…! Her m…! These b…! I mean, she…!"

Sleek long purple hair… that… it's… damn, it's obviously sunrise making it appear pearly and wavy and longer than before!  
Megane _(Jap. glasses-wearing person)_ … it… it's just that she's lost her glasses as usual, just as usual…  
B-boobs… she…

"NO WAYYY that's only a B-cup! It's not that creepy SM woman!"

"… exactly what part of someone's body do you need to look at before you identify them, Gin-san…?! And wait, more importantly, these… are these your new hobby after SM…? Furry play?"

Shinpachi's index goes and points matter-of-factly at the arctic-white furry ears escaping from the strands of the girl's wavy hair and that Gintoki can't really notice from his position of glomped-target.

"Awww, kitsunemimi, so cute aru! Gin-chan, give me some too!"  
"L-like I said, I'm not into that sort of play, really, it's just… And wait, kuso-gaki, weren't calling me enemy of women but you're ready to wear these things?! Now that I think about it, you were wearing the nekomimi from Shinpachi's parcel before too. Grow up, would you?"  
"...don't mention those nekomimi anymore, don't mention them! And mattaku, Gin-san, it's you who should jsut grow up and admit already, instead of turning the conversation around. Kagura-chan, the viewers and I already know you, so it's not like this kind of fetish of yours is going to change our opinion of you, you know."  
"Don't you dare put me in the same basket as these dirty oyaji with dirty fetishes! I like women with natural big breasts, maybe some uniforms from times to others, but no creepy accessories that tickle and make you sneeze, and…"  
"… that doesn't sound any better, oy!"  
"Come on, Gin-chan, don't be stingy and give me some too! Kitsunemimi and kitsune tail, come on!"  
"Kagura-chan, now is not the time to worry about mimi and… tail…?"  
"Stingy… Oy, Kitsune-chan, Gin-chan gave you three aru, so share with me!"  
"Three… WAAAAAAHHHH?!"

Shinpachi and Gintoki both freeze with bloodshot eyes at suddenly noticing something else arctic-white and fluffy-furry hanging in the air behind the unknown girl's peach-shaped bottom.

A heavy silence falls as the chase of Kagura after the girl makes it more and more difficult to ignore the furry elements, and even Gintoki stops being angry about receiving Kagura's hands or the kitsune girl boobs in his face during the fight happening around him.

Something more ominous seems at stake… kitsune as in…

"… Iya iya iya, impossible… just another play, it just happens that I attract girls with some weird fetishes…"  
"Gin-san… this kind of accessories usually comes with ribbons or something to tie it up, right… this kind of things usually have, right…"  
"… c-come on Shinpachi-kun, I am quite sure the trend nowadays is for invisible suspenders, so these are definitely… tabun… GYAAAHHH!"

But the sight of these three feathery fluffy tails now dancing very close in front of his eyes can't make Gintoki ignore the matter anymore, as he watches them separating, coming together before separating again into an articulated ballet.

"A-ano Gin-san…"  
"S-Shinpachi… Oy Shinpachi, your face is really blue right now, what is it again?! Please don't tell me there is something more?!"  
"G-Gin-san… this… this is called levitating, right…?"  
"Uh?"

When Gintoki turns his head with a bad feeling and cold sweats already beading on his forehead, he tries not to look too much surprised too fast at meeting with the sight of the kitsune girl floating in mid-air in her glomping position still cuddling the back of his head in her chest, her furry ears and tails shivering playfully like Sadaharu's fur when stretching itself on morning.

"THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE WOMEN ENDING UP IN MY BED?!"

* * *

 **A WHILE LATER**

"Oy, Yorozuya, you home?"  
"Danna, we have a job for you, even if it kills Hijikata-san to have and ask you. Please make sure you accept so that it really kills him."  
"Sougo, temeee...! Tss, ojyamashimasu _(Jap. polite way to announce yourself when entering someone's house)_."

The sliding door of Yorozuya living room opens on some familiar black uniforms.

"Ah, domo _(Jap. half-polite way of welcoming someone coming to meet you)_."

SNAP. Gintoki's cool greeting is welcomed by a wall of shocked anger and beat-red embarrassment, Hijikata pointing at him vehemently, all shreds of patience having already exploded.

"Don't f*cking greet people with a naked woman all twirled around you, temeee!"  
"Ah, Hijikata-san."  
"Uruse, Sougo, now is not the time for..."  
"No, I mean, Hijikata-san, this woman, here, see."  
"Don't go around groping women in other people's home! And drop the feather torture already, you damn S."  
"Hijikata-san, this feather is not mine."  
"Eh?"  
"It's her tail."  
"Eeeehh?"

A couple minutes later on, Hijikata and Sougo are both sitting on the sofa opposite to Gintoki and his pet of the moment, or rather considering how she's petting and cuddling his hair, just who is the pet of who.

"Tea."  
"Rohh, Shinpachi, no need to give tea to this bastard!"  
"What, China musume, did you forget to make use of the opportunity to put poison in it?"  
"...temeee!"  
"Sigh, let's forget about these two and cut to the chase. Since you're already involved, that'll make things easier. This g-girl-w-woman-k-kitsu-ki-DAMN! Make her wear some clothes already, damn it!"

Hijikata's face has turned more smoking than his cigarette.

"Who would have thought the Shinsengumi Demon Vice-Captain would be so flustered, tss. If she feels alright being naked, why should I force her, right, Kitsune-chan?"  
"... Gin-san, it's obvious from your face right now that the reason you're letting her naked is more perverted than altruist."  
"W-what are you talking about, Shinpachi-kun, I'm simply a feminist, a feminist!"  
"... and now you're ripping off the catchphrase of another character to make up some excuse."  
"Rooh, just what is wrong with having girls hang out in the nude?"  
"... says a samurai."  
"Samurais should embrace modernity! Wanting to hold back women's aspiration to freedom and self-made decision is so archaic!"  
"... Gin-san, I'll pretend I'm not seeing your drooling and obvious staring, so let's just close the topic already."

But the topic is unexpectedly reopened when a flutter of black fabric closes on emptiness.

"Gotcha! Uh, wait, where is she... uwaaah?!"  
"Nyuhuhuhu!"

Hijikata can only curse the swiftness of his target when he sees her giggling at some distance, having escaped the vest he had tried to force on her shoulders.

"Ano, Hijikata-san, are you trying to make her wear your jacket to cover her up, perhaps? Because we already tri... *BAM*"

Shinpachi's attempt to retell some of their hectic morning is interrupted by Kagura's foot in his face, when she uses him as a stepping stone to jump farther after the floating kitsune.

"Roooooh!"  
"You should let the expert handle it, China."  
"Don't pull out your bazooka in our house!"  
"Sougo, stop being a pain, once in a while, and help out!"  
CLICK. "Here, Hijikata-san, please smile. I'll make sure to share your flushed face and acrobatic position below a naked woman to everyone at HQ."  
"Temeeee!"  
"Nyuhuhu!"  
"Ah, she escaped on Gin-chan's head again!"  
"W-wait, KaguGYAAHH!"  
"Ah, Gin-san! Kagura-chan!"  
"Kitsune-chan, come here so that I can take an even more embarrassing picture of Hijikata-san."  
"Rohh, how dare you try and bribe her, you damn sadist!"  
"Ano, both of you, don't tell me you forgot the original goal of... Sigh, they're not listening anymore..."  
"I won't lose, aru!"  
"Fine with me, China, give it everything you have."  
"Pff, you can brag only after you caught her!"  
"Hehe, you forgot that, on the contrary to you, I have a jacket to make her wear."  
"Eeeh?! Unfair, aru! Demon guy, your jacket, NOW!"  
"Eh?!"  
CLICK. "Oh, one more picture of our Vice-Commander being stripped by a ferocious China musume."  
"Stop it with those damn pictures!"  
"... Gin-san, what should we... UWAAH, G-G-Gin-san, why are you removing your kimono as well?!"  
"Can't be helped, let's not lose."  
"... I give up."

 _~RECORD OF PICTURES ON SOUGO'S FLAP-PHONE~_

 _Take 1 ~ everyone running after the kitsune across the entire room, Kagura with Hijikata's jacket, Sougo with his own jacket, Gintoki with his kimono, Shinpachi and Hijikata trying to catch the target with bare hands._

 _Take 2 ~ Shinpachi being knocked out heroically when being used by Kagura and Gintoki as a decoy to glomp the kitsune from unexpected sides._

 _Take 3 ~ Hijikata searching after the kitsune while she's tailing him gigglingly from his back._

 _Take 4 ~ Kagura having managed to glomp the kitsune to the floor while wrapping her in Hijikata's jacket._

 _Take 5 ~ the ero-ero landing pose of the kitsune in kare-shirt-mode (Jap. cliché with the girl wearing only an oversized sloppy boyfriend shirt)_ _looking even more indecent with the open Shinsengumi jacket than naked._

 _Take 6 ~ Hijikata and Gintoki out of competition hiding their faces with scarlet ears, punching the sofa that it's too much._

 _Take 7 ~ Sougo refusing to give the win to Kagura and handing over Hijikata's katana to the kitsune before making her strike the pose with it._

 _Take 8 ~ Kitsune-chan very readily posing for Sougo with more indecent poses than ever._

 _Take 9 ~ Hijikata and Gintoki knocked off on the sofa with a blush/nosebleed while cursing Sougo for being insensitive to what normal men would usually react to and thus deserving his title of King of Sadists._

* * *

 **ABOUT AN HOUR LATER**

"Huf huf... I can't any... more... aru..."  
"... come on, China, it's just... getting at... the good part..."  
"... you brats should stop saying this kind of indecent things!"  
"... Gin-san, don't go calling people indecent when you're holding onto your crotch since a while ago and the box of tissues is now empty."  
"Nyuhuhu!"  
"... dawww...!"

A giggle echoes from the only non-exhausted person, a.k.a Kitsune-chan who is now wearing Gintoki's long kimono almost properly after a long battle that had consisted in recovering Hijikata's jacket, then making her go through one sleeve of the kimono then the other, then trying to make the lower part cover her legs and tails, and finally attempting to knot a belt to hold the fabric in place.

After so much struggle, the result is far from perfect, considering how the sides of the kimono are gapping in a deep V neckline, but it's still better than nothing.

"Phew... Now PTA shouldn't get involved, hopefully..." Shinpachi mutters with a relieved tone, before turning concerned again while wondering if the cameraman will be nice enough to choose angles where nothing is 'flashing' or if it'll follow the law of anime as usual, meaning fanservice whenever possible. "It's true Gintama has never given much fanservice before... maybe the sponsors' request..."

A twirl of Kitsune-chan in mid-air with added sparkles effect in pure Gintoki-kimono-henshin mode seems to comfort Shinpachi in his opinion, and he sighs heavily before going and serve another cup of tea to Hijikata, the previous one having heroically lost its life in the chase.

"... taku, I can't believe your bunch *sip*..."  
"Oy, didn't you come here because you had a favor to ask to that bunch of ours?"  
"Not a favor, a job."  
"True, Hijikata-san, you said it would be easy to explain since Kitsune-chan is here. What is it about? Is she a runaway person or something similar? Do we need to bring her back to someone?"  
"Not quite."  
"Uh?"  
"Quite the opposite, actually."

The eerie turn of conversation makes Gintoki more serious and he sits properly on the sofa again, readjusting the second kimono he's gone and fetched for himself just before. The 'properly' part soon disappears though, when the kitsune comes and lies languidly behind him on the backrest in some ero-ero pose worthy of a cabaret advert, or at least until she starts ruffling his silver hair playfully.

Shinpachi and Kagura have since morning given up on the idea of making her stop petting their boss like that, just like they have already gotten used to see their boss face distort into a dirty oyaji happy drooling expression each time she is back-hugging him.

So coming back to the conversation:

"Didn't check the TV recently? Haven't heard about the Feng Huli Jing _(ZH_ _pron. huli as hroo-lee)_?"  
"Hu-Ju-Jolie _(FR pron. jolie as joo-lee, means pretty)_? Yes mademoiselle, vous êtes sublime _(FR. you are beautiful)_!"  
"... why French all of a sudden, Gin-san... If you don't know, no need to make up something."  
"I know Hulis, aru."  
"Ooh?"  
"Really, Kagura-chan? And wait, it's Feng Huli Jing, right, aren't Hulis something different _(N.B. google-image it)_?"  
"Eh? China, you know for real?"  
"Well, isn't she a Yato. Would make sense she knows about other Amanto tribes."  
"Uh, they're an Amanto tribe, aru?"  
"Eh! You just said you know them!"  
"I only know them because Mommy said if we are not careful to guard our husband right, a Huli will come and bewitch them until they become even more useless men."  
"... uweew, your mommy must have had a lot on her plate..."

A pat from Gintoki on Kagura's shoulder makes Hijikata click his tongue before restarting the conversation topic.

"Tsk, anyway, it's not too far from that. Huli Jings, damn let's call them Hulis it's shorter, are what we know as fox spirits. The Feng part is the element of their sub-tribe, here this time the wind fox spirits. Don't know much about the other ones but each tribe their own abilities."  
"Oooh, is there a sukonbu _(Jap. pickled seaweed)_ Huli?"  
"Ano, Kagura-chan, sukonbu is not an element, it's NOT an element, no need to look at Kitsune-chan as if she were edible!"  
"Uh, but I can't eat wind, aru, so a sukonbu Huli would be better~."  
"A Huli is not a food factory either! Ah, I called them Huli..."

"Oy, Hulis don't create stuff, they just have some abilities linked to the element of their tribe. That one over here can float: that's the wind Hulis ability. Anyway, wind ability or whatever, Hulis in general are famous as the most seductive creatures among all Amanto tribes."  
"Seductive? I really can't get what you mean."  
"Gin-san, it doesn't sound believable when you're half-drooling, even if you pick your ear at the same time."  
"Danna, yours is only a 3-tails. The most veteran and beautiful Hulis are 9-tails."  
"Hmm, so you're only a brat and yet you have such a nice body, hmm, Baby Kitsune-chan."  
"Gin-san, don't call someone Baby when she looks as old as Okita-san."  
"I'm often told I'm baby-faced though. And that Huli must be at least two or three hundreds year-old too, so I guess that fits Danna's definition."  
"You just said 3-tails comparing to 9-tails, so let me fantasize about making her grow up to my standards. Don't break a man's dream, taku..."  
"Gin-san, if you're dreaming of becoming like the Genji raising Lady Murasaki, please don't have such a dirty oyaji face when looking at her."  
"Don't be such a stuck-up straight-man, Shinpachi."  
"I'm the straight-man of this show, remember!"

"Beautiful things are meant to be admired, beautiful women are meant to be kissed, sweets are meant to be eaten."  
"... I don't know from whom you stole the first past and couldn't get the last part, but the middle one sounds dangerous enough."  
"Please refrain from doing that, Danna, or it will be big trouble."  
"Uh?"  
"Tsk, I thought having her with you would make it easier but it looks like you pervert is going to be a hassle more than anything."  
"Just who are you calling a pervert, you failure of a samurai who gets flushed just at seeing a girl's naked skin!"  
"Uruse! I don't want to hear that from you!"

Shinpachi sighs while dropping two new boxes of tissues on the coffee table.

"Ano, could you stop fighting and explain a bit more...? I feel like the conversation is going sidetrack every time we try and touch onto the main topic..."  
"Tsk... The topic is: because of their beauty, the Hulis have been hunted down and sold at the black market for decades. So a decree has been passed to protect them as endangered species and nobody should touch them."  
"A decree like that exists? How come for this tribe especially when so many people are falling in the hands of the slave black market?!"  
"Tss, must be that one of those higher-ups is entranced by a Huli himself and promised her to protect her tribe or something... What a sucking guy..."  
"Sassuga Danna, bullseye!"  
"Oy Sougo! Don't be impressed when a guy like him insults our higher-ups!"

A pull on his cigarette and Hijikata keeps on with the explanation.

"Anyway, it's been explained on TV recently, but I guess your bunch didn't see, that Edo is on the Hulis migration path this year, so..."  
"Gin-chan, what is a migration, aru?"  
"Ah, hmm, ano, you know, it's this thing, right, that... Temeee, don't chuckle at me or I kill you! Why do you have to use complicated words with brats around?!"  
"You're more stupid than expected, China musume. Migration is obviously an M play where the woman gets runned back and forth twice a year."  
"Okita-san! Don't go saying such disturbing things with a straight face! And that's completely unrelated to a migration except the twice-a-year part, that is!"  
"Uh, Shinpachi, you know what a migration is?"  
"Of course. It's what birds and other animals do when weather is changing by moving to warmer areas before going back to their homeland at the end of winter."  
"Sassuga our megane, he sure knows his stuff, for a megane."  
"Can you please stop referring to me as a megane, can you please stop?!"

A vein throbbing on Shinpachi's temple threatens to send the glasses down, but he readjusts them on his nose with a sulk.

"Back to the topic at hand, the Hulis are passing above Edo at the moment so it would make sense if some of them come down to play with men, since it's in their nature to feed on men desire for them."  
"Ooh, so it's not actually a jinx of the scenarists to make me wake up with a naked girl in my arms again?"  
"Gin-san, can you please stop blaming the scenarists every time... I'm sure they are trying their best with the budget we have."  
"If it's about the budget, I managed to fill in my assignment for fanservice for this episode. And I even managed to get some blackmailing pictures of Hijikata-san fulfilling his fetish of kare-shirt-on-naked-girl-during-his-duty, so two birds with one stone."  
"Temeee!"

"Ano, Demon guy, you mean Kitsune-chan will eat Gin-chan up?"  
"... Kagura-chan, can you please not give that kind of hints to Gin-san or he'll really spend the rest of the episode holding onto his crotch, you know..."  
"Hulis don't eat people, China musume, they feed on the wandering shards of soul of men who desire them."  
"Oy, Sougo, have you taken up poetry or something, recently?"  
"Then let me put it in Hijikata-san's words: these b*tches kiss your soul out of you until you're nothing more than a love slave that they'll keep as their pet-livestock for the centuries to come."  
"Temeeeee, since when did I word it like that?!"  
"I'll make sure to report to the higher-ups your interpretation, Hijikata-san, especially the one whose companion is a Huli."  
"Korosukika?!"

Amid the regular verbal fight, Gintoki gives a crooked glance to the kitsune still playing with his hair like a child with a newly-found toy.

"Hmmm, so when you grow up you'll also do that kind of things to men, huh? Women sure are scary no matter their tribe, hmmm."  
"Gin-san, now is not the time to talk about that. If Hijikata-san and Okita-san are right, it means Kitsune-chan will be stuck to you forever if you happen to kiss her and she likes your soul and... w-wait..."

TILT.

Chaos comes to a stop at Shinpachi comment and all stares converge towards Gintoki and the one already 'stuck to him' since dawn.

"Eh...?"  
"Danna, you've really done it this time, sigh..."  
"Eeh...?"  
"And you pretended it was just an accident like with Sacchan too, aru?!"  
"Gin-san, you're the worst!"  
"Eeehh...?"  
"Temeeee... I came here because we need as much helping hands as possible to make sure the Hulis all leave Edo safely but you are the one trapping one here?!"  
"EEEEEHHH?!"  
"THE WORST!"

BOOM. TCHAK. PAN PAN PAN. KICK.

Once the smoke of the multiple attacks dispersed, the only thing left to see from Gintoki are his burnt boots twitching from behind the sofa.

"Tsk, now that this idiot is taken care of, let's explain to you our plan for the next 20-something hours."  
"Yes, if we drag it any longer, the viewers will complain for sure. But why 20 hours?"  
"The migration of Hulis happens only once every hundred-year, and it will only pass above Edo for a day, so we jsut have to make sure they can all leave together by the end of that time. Because it's kinda impossible for a Huli alone to find the way back to their homeland on her own, and I'm not sure why but they can't take spaceships."  
"Tss, you sure know your thing, sometimes, aru. So you're really trying to protect all the Kitsune-chan?"  
"Ooh, impressed now, China musume?"  
"Buuh, who would be by a sadist like you? But I guess if it's for that reason, I can lend you a hand, shishi."  
"Hijikata-san, what do we do about Gin-san and Kitsune-chan...?"

Shinpachi and Hijikata give a side glance to the kitsune girl who is floating/dancing above the charcoal-black body of Gintoki still knocked on the floor.

"Well, do you think a Huli would really fall for a soul like his and stay behind in Edo?"  
"Nope."  
"Yappari, so let's move on to the job."

Hijikata drops the bag he was carrying when entering the room on the coffee table.

"I've prepared talkies for you all. They're connected to the emergency line of 1-2-3-Huli so that anyone having seen the TV message will contact that number if they spot a Huli, not that there's many of them to start with, but in any c..."  
"... pffshishishi 1-2-3-Huli Huli, shishishi!"  
"Kagura-chan, that's not nice to laugh at it, I'm sure it was not Hijikata-san who picked the name, so..."  
"... forget I even mentioned this name, tanomu..."

The bag is zipped open and talkies are pulled out, though.

"Aye aye, _attention please_! Now that Hijikata-san has ruined the Shinsengumi reputation again, let's move on to the emergency procedure. In the unlikely event of getting bewitched by a Huli, no oxygen mask will fall in front of you, but you can call the emergency line and one of our attendants will come and assist you. All attendants, please make sure to secure the talkie by attaching this clip on your belt, then making the earpiece cable pass behind your back by sliding it under your clothes and..."  
"Ever since when are you a flight attendant, Sougo?! And don't f*cking undress that Huli for the sake of demonstration!"

But the white kimono fabric has already left the kitsune's shoulders and Sougo smirks at seeing Hijikata look away with a defeated flushed expression, half-embarrassed and half-depressed by his own self.

"Nyu…? Nyuhuhu!"

GLOMP. Hijikata's revenge takes the unexpected turn of the kitsune finding Sougo hair fluffy enough to deserve a glomp, and he's soon stuck face-first in the same position as Gintoki previously.

"Groarrrr! Wh-wh-what do you think you're doing, Sadist?! Ki-Kitsune-chan belongs to Gin-chan!"

But Kagura's angry rant as she throws Gintoki at the Huli to try and make her let go of Sougo only ends up in a miss.

TWIRL. Gintokis is caught back by a furry white tail as the kitsune doesn't release Sougo, and instead jumps on Kagura with her second arm wide open, seeming to enjoy the new 'game' quite a bit.

"Ah, w-w-wait, that's...!"  
"Uwaah, I don't wa...!"

CHU.

Silence falls as Shinpachi, Hijikata and even Gintoki see their youngest members disappear face-to-face into the embrace of the playful kitsune chest, the interruption of their speech seeming to hint that tabun their mouths have met some unexpected obstacle... tabun the same obstacle... tabun the other's mouth...

The heavy silence before the storm.

"... I just remember I have some errands to do for Otose-san."  
"... just recalled Kondo-san asked me to report to him before noon."  
"... I need to go and buy the JUMP."

The rats deserting the sinking ship.

"Nyuuu?"

The happy-go-lucky not realising their doom.

"... RRROOOOAAAAARRRRRR!" Burning fighting spirit of red and blue explode into a purple apocalypse as the kitsune flies away at full speed, escaping Yorozuya by the balcony of Gintoki's room while the living room becomes engulfed in a twister of embarrassed rage destroying everything on its trail.

"Uwaah uwaaaah uwaaaaaahhh, Kitsune-chaaan!" Gintoki can only scream at feeling the wind passing him by at light-speed, as the levitating/flying Huli crosses the skies with a giggle, not seeming to mind the weight of her passenger suspended at her tail, nor the destroyed Yorozuya far below them.

* * *

 **A FLEETING MOMENT LATER**

When Gintoki finally manages to escape the grip of the tails, it's only to find himself dragged by both hands on a stroll across the sky, the kitsune playfully dancing and twirling around him while making him float alongside her.

"Ano... Kitsune-chan, are we on our way to a moving castle or something? I want to say that even if my hair is silver, I'm not good at anything like housework or laundry, so, you see..."

"Nyuhuhu!" But the happy-go-lucky giggle of the Huli makes Gintoki sigh and resign himself to his not-too-bad fate with a smile.

After all, there are worse days than floating across the bluer-than-blue sky holding hands with a beautiful ero-ero girl smiling at you.

Even the wind seems to tag along and bring the sweet smell of a woodsy breeze to them.  
Even the birds seem to find it nice to come and sing around them.  
Even the fireworks come and explode around them like a ballet of heartbeats.

Fireworks... Fireworks...?!

Before Gintoki could wonder at the explosions scattering all around them, the soft sensation in his hand twitches and convulses before turning inert, and he steals a glance back at his stroll companion just in time to see the girl's eyelids closing with a gasp of pain.

"...eh? n-no way, right...?!"

Gintoki's hands don't have time to go for the Huli's shoulders that she's lost consciousness, and gravity claims back its right, ending the peaceful sky stroll rather abruptly - and quite literally.

"No wayyy!" Gintoki can only grab onto the kitsune girl to hold her onto him as they both fall into emptiness.

"NO WAY NO WAY NO WAYYYYYYY!" Gintoki shouts while looking left and right frantically in search for a way to stop their fall.

His first reaction had been to try and shake the Huli out of it again, but at feeling her convulsive and so obviously hurting in his arms, he can't help but forget about it.

Only a couple dozens metres left before the ground getting closer and closer in between narrow rows of streets and alleys...

"Taku, that's going to hurt..." Gintoki sighs with an annoyed grimace at noticing the nature of his only way to escape smashing on the ground.

TCHAK. In the burst of an instant, he's switched the kitsune from two to one arm, and pulled out his bokuto from his belt, a fraction of second before digging the wooden sword into the electric pole they've just reached in their free-fall.

"Tchk...!" Gintoki clenches his teeth as the bokuto carves its dent vertically into the pole, friction slowing down their fall but also torning off electric wires in the process, wires that painfully discharge their voltage in his body, sparks fusing all over his already puffy hair.

CRASH. The violent landing coupled with the electricity stuns Gintoki for a while, as he sees with one blinking eye only that feet are crowding around him and the kitsune still panting in his arm.

"D-damn..." A wince shows on his face as he realises from their attitude that the surrounding people are not here to help, quite the opposite.

"Okashira _(Jap. gang leader)_ , the incense powder worked! We caught two, yeepee!"  
"The f*ck?! This one is obviously a man!"  
"Ah, they were both flying though."  
"Wind Hulis can share their levitating ability with others, kuso-yaro. That's why they get a high price within certain circles."  
"Okashira, what do we do with the man? He's wearing same kimono as the Huli."  
"Haha, no way, I didn't notice. What a lame guy, so bewitched by her that he thinks they're a couple or something, washasha!"  
"... I hate couple clothing, it's so showing off."  
"Uwaah, Aniki is pissed!"  
"Okashira, if he's the Huli's food, we should keep him for a while. She's only a 3-tails so we should feed her properly to sell her for a higher price."

 _Damn... my muscles can't move... Electricity sucks, tchk..._

Gintoki can only wince, unable to move an inch, when the surrounding ruffians tie him up before throwing him at the back of a van together with the Huli, the trunk door closing on the last ray of light.

 **LOCKED.**

* * *

 ** _*** GINTOKI SENSEI EXPLAINS the Japanese stuff in Gintama ***_**

 _"Oy oy, attention in class, that's a serious lesson here, so everyone drop their JUMP magazines and listen!"  
_ _"Sensei, you're the one holding the JUMP right now..."  
_ _"So, onto the lesson, if you don't understand something, don't ask, tsk..."_

 _ **aru =** Kagura speech pattern, kinda cliché, that makes her sound foreign, same as the guys at the Chinese restaurant and... what do you mean the Chinese don't speak Japanese that way?!_

 _ **aniki =** informal manly way to say "big brother" used in gangs for seniors, no Kagura, don't try and make your classmates call you like that, and put down the shades and umbrella, damn it_

 _ **ano =** hesitating interjection "well, y'know, hmm" usually before a question or before repeating something hard-to-believe, or like a guy figeting to speak to his first love kinda-like_

 _ **China musume =** oy, Okita-kun, care to explain why you're calling Kagura "daughter/girl of China" without getting into a fight with her? ...ah, forget it, just don't destroy the classroom too much, you both_

 _ **danna =** between Boss and Master, a way to call someone you respect, you see, I'm worth respect, you see_

 ** _dirty oyaji =_** _yeah you know, these leecherous dirty old men with... my face is normal, oy!_

 ** _ero-ero =_** _short for erotic, put at double dose it's that goddam attitude women have when wanting you to eat them up... oy, why the dark aura, I wasn't speaking about your girls anyw- *shot*_

 ** _kitsune =_** _ask Kitsune-chan *yawn*_

 _ **kitsunemimi =** "fox ears" usually accessories for these creepy cabarets or... oy oy, why are this Gorilla and Shinpachi giving me a sour look_

 ** _korosukika =_** _"are you trying to get me killed" ah yeah, that Mayora-guy uses it quite a bunch, does he... should be thinking about our readers, hmm... what do you mean I also use a bunch of annoying words, you guys should pay more respect to the protagonist, tsk_

 ** _kuso-baba =_** _nah nah, I'm always polite to Otose-san, y'know, I won't call her "old hag" or something rude like that, come on... what's that unimpressed look for, oy...?_

 _ **kuso-gaki (plural: kuso-gaki-tachi) =** what's wrong with calling damn brats like "damn brats", it's showing love and... who are you calling a sadist oy_

 _ **taku =** "oh well" but rude, kinda like "tsk, damn, anyway", do I really need to explain, taku your bunch really needs catch-up classes_

 ** _teme =_** _"hey you bastard" synonym "Hijikata Toushi" ah wait Kagura wants to add that damn Sadist to the list of synonyms too, wait stop raising your hands everyone, i can't have more than a blackboard full of synonyms y'know_

 ** _uruse =_** _between "silence" and "shut up" kinda-like, what do you mean I'm rude when I wake up?!_

 ** _yorozuka =_** _wait, we actually need to get introduced, gimme a break, how dare they dub awesome Yorozuya Gin-chan abroad... "Odd Jobs" no but seriously gimme a break, I sound like that team from Second Life... "The Freelancer" let me tell you I stopped transporting stuff since the bomb at the Embassy taku..._

 _"... and that concludes today's lesson. Kagura, please stop fighting with Okita-kun already and help me kick awake those guys who fell asleep. And you viewers, don't forget to drop a review with all the questions you'd like to ask Gintoki-sensei. See you."_


End file.
